I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Randomize
