i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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