I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
