winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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