I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
this will be a night to untag.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize