so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Randomize
