Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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