I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
