do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
