i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
