we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
