Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
