a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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