is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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