Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
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