I'm really into asian looking animals
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Just invented taco cereal.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
