No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
