Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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