i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Randomize
