Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
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