It's a beautiful day for a hangover
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
