I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
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