Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
