Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
