my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
