He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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