he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
