I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
