You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
