Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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