i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
