Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a āfireplaceā station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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