Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
