I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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