New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
