I wanna bring you to show and tell
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
