the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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