I skipped work to stalk him.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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