I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
