Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
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