id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
even my farts smell like vagina
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
