i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
