just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
