It's Friday. Sex?
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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