i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
