Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
