Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
