Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
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