I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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