I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
