Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
