If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
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