this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
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