You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize