dude i'm inner monologue high
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
