Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
