We won't sleep together?
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
