honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Randomize
