No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
