At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize