do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
