Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Randomize
