She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
