the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
