Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Randomize
