Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
