sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
