You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Randomize
