If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Randomize
